DEAR ABBY: I have been working with a therapist on creating healthy boundaries with my family. I moved out of state with my husband to ensure that those boundaries are met because my parents have alcohol and verbal abuse issues. My younger sister “Maya” became engaged recently, and she is at a very exciting time in her life, planning her wedding.
Here’s the thing: I have no interest in hearing about, helping to plan or being a part of the wedding because Maya and I have nothing in common other than our parents. She’s self-absorbed and rude. Her fiancé is an introvert, so getting to know him is incredibly difficult. How do I politely convey this to Maya or (more importantly) my mother without causing hurt feelings?
— MOVED AWAY IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR MOVED: You may not be able to avoid hearing about the wedding if you are in communication with your mother and sister. But you have the advantage of living far away from them. If you are asked to assist in planning Maya’s wedding, politely, logically (and regretfully) explain that your busy schedule AS WELL AS THE GEOGRAPHIC DISTANCE make your involvement impossible. You should, however, attend if you’re invited.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.