A mum is “heartily sick” of her sister-in-law’s behaviour and wants to put her foot down over her upcoming wedding.
The mum is particularly annoyed because the wedding is abroad, with the bride insisting everyone stay in a large villa together for five nights – and split the cost between them. The mum doesn’t want to be “cooped up” with her husband’s sister and extended family because “she throws her toys out the pram when she doesn’t get what she wants”.
After initially declining the invite due to the high costs associated with attending, the mum compromised by agreeing to save up but choose her own accommodation for her, her husband and their children – but her proposed compromise has resulted in her sister-in-law “kicking off”. The mum doesn’t want to back down and “enable” her husband’s sister’s behaviour to continue.
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Taking to Mumsnet’s popular Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) thread, the mum sought advice. In a lengthy post, she explained attending the wedding will require her and her husband to pay for the airport car park, flights, kennels and cattery for their pets, car hire to get to the suggested villa because it’s “in the middle of nowhere”, as well as two rooms for her and their three children.
The mum penned: “Then there are the other costs on top of that. It is going to cost loads. SIL [sister-in-law] and DH [dear husband] are not close, and she has very little to do with our family. One of the reasons why I have little to do with her is because she throws her toys out the pram when she doesn’t get what she wants – this is the AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to follow.
“Initially we said we were not going to go due to the cost, versus the very little relationship we have with her. However, this caused a lot of upset with PIL [parents in law] and a lot of emotional blackmail to my DH. Also, when I sought counsel from friends and family their overwhelming view was “it’s his sister”.
“The issue is, I have said that I (we) will go, but I am not staying at this accommodation. I don’t want to be cooped up with people I don’t know, or my DH’s extended family who are rude to me and my DC [dear children]. I am happy to go to the wedding day, but the rest of the time I am there we are doing our own thing. Also, this means I can reduce the no. of days we are there. I don’t want to spend more holiday days on this than I have to.
“SIL has kicked off as the villa needs a certain no. of people to stay there (although I am sure others will stay there) and she wants all her family to have meals out together, days out all in the run up to the wedding and make it a 5 day wedding. This is my idea of hell. Plus I feel like I am enabling her behaviour, which I am heartily sick of. Who IBU [is being unreasonable] here?”
The mum’s post was met with heaps of comments from fellow Mumsnet users, keen to share their thoughts. One said: “Sounds like an ideal compromise to me. You are going to her wedding, but staying somewhere more budget and family friendly for you. Only an a***hole would have a problem with this.”
Another suggested: “I think it would be the good thing for her DB [dear brother] to go to the villa and do the family days/meals out. As it’s his sister, he should be the one to decide what he wants to do.”
A third said: “Her response is about what is best for her and sharing cost of their villa. You found a good compromise which is at cost to you of staying elsewhere. I think they are lucky you are willing to attend their overseas wedding given it is expensive.” They added: “I would double down on your offer ‘we are offering to save up and attend your wedding day overseas but will arrange our own accommodation, if that’s not suitable for you then respectfully we will decline the wedding invite’. Yanbu”.
Another said: “She is asking everyone else to pay for her wedding.” And another commented: “YANBU it’s a compromise”.
One Mumsnet user added: “If the little princess wants that then she can pay for that then can’t she. She pays for the accommodation for everyone, she pays for all the meals out she is demanding. How do adults get to the point of being married but still act like spoilt rotten toddlers who throw fits when they don’t get their own way? It’s outstanding.”
At the time of writing, 90% of Mumsnet users voted the mum was not being unreasonable.
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